Spiders

He had a nest of spiders living in his bathroom. I say nest, but it was really just three spiders who each had their own web. The spiders were black, brown, and white and each had a different part of the bathroom. He never could see them, but he didn't look. He never looked. Even if he did look, he wore glasses. They prevented him from seeing anything other than his toothbrush, which was the only reason he every entered the bathroom. I made him promise that he wouldn't kill the spiders if he ever saw them, he told me to go to sleep. I responded by telling him that we swallow spiders in our sleep.

Rant

You know what I hate? I hate when you turn around and see someone you hate. It is even worse if that someone hates you then It is all glare and return glare. I can no longer focus. The background melts into hate and my body burns. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. But I am going to pretend that I don't see you. I don't want to deal with my hatred right now.

I made you a picture of this situation. Be impressed with both my effort and my talent.

Warning.

It is 13 hours into my week and I have already had two complete break downs.

Talk to me and I will either cry or yell at you.

You have been warned.

(this notice is good until Saturday afternoon)

Human Interactions

If there is one thing I fail at, it is digesting food (or so says the local hospital). If there is another thing I  fail at, it is social interactions.

For me social interactions always go like this:

Step One: See human I would like to interact with

Step Two: I announce, "Hey Human, I would like to interact with you"

Response: Human runs away.

So I try again.

Step One: See another human that I would like to interact with

Step Two: I ask, "How are you, Human?"

Response: Human responds.

Then I get excited, thinking I am doing this interacting thing right.

Problem: I forget that I need to keep saying someone normal things.

Answer One:  I walk away mid conversation

Answer Two: I start talking about how I am afraid that ninja penguins are going to eat my pajama pants.

Locating ME

beep beep beep. You found me!

I know I have been MIA recently, but I have been getting lots of test down at the hospital. I also completed the Chicago marathon.

So no big deal.

But the future looks less hospitally and more fun, so I am excited to share that with you

Confetti  and cupcakes,
ME

New Life Goal

I decided that I need to learn how to run, skate, or bike super fast. So I could keep up with the cars on the road. Then I will be able to attach the push lights and reflectors to my ass and pretend to be a car.

I better start training right now.

Blood ( An Update About My Life)

So... This week I was turned down to give blood; however, two days later the doctors were taking vials of blood from me. Apparently my blood might hold the secret of why I have been so sick. So.. now I just have to wait 6 days to get the results.

Some Vegan Stuff

So I have been keeping to my vegan diet and trying to cut out unnecessary chemicals from my life.

Let me tell you something.

Chemicals taste good.

This only has peanuts in it. It tastes like shit

This has a bunch of stuff that I cannot pronounce it in. It taste amazing. 

Needless to say, I am still eating chemicals. But don't be too disappointed in me. I am eating a balanced diet for what maybe the first time in my life. As a result I have put on a whole 15 pounds. Ha ha. opps. It's ok. I am now in the healthy BMI range. Plus I bet a good amount of that is muscle gained from marathon training and yoga.... 

I  might be the only person ever to gain weight by becoming vegan.

Oprah Told Me Who I Am (and she was right)

YOU ARE STRIVING TO BE SPONTANEOUS
You are an adventurer: Action-oriented, curious, outgoing, and often technically gifted, you live for new experiences. You are drawn to risk-taking and aren't afraid to fail. Generally restless, you tend to job-hop or choose a field that offers constant novelty. If you had to name your favorite place, it might be the center of attention—you're a born entertainer, and can easily adapt to any audience. While you collect many acquaintances, you're less likely to develop deep, committed relationships.

What to watch out for: When you can't satisfy your thirst for variety and excitement, you may see yourself as trapped, which can lead to impulsive and self-destructive behavior—drinking, drugs, breaking off relationships, ditching financial responsibilities. Try to find value in some traditions; if you learn to appreciate repetitive experiences, you won't always feel the urge to bust free. And when a new opportunity thrills you, keep in mind that just because it sounds exciting, that doesn't mean it's good for you.

Looking ahead: Life will have meaning for you as long as you feel stimulated. That might mean chasing twisters, exploring the polar ice caps, getting a degree in dance therapy, or becoming an astronaut. It might also mean reading new books, attending workshops, or letting yourself get swept up in an intoxicating romance. As a risk-lover with a lot of energy, you're a natural entrepreneur. You'll be happiest if you change jobs every so often and travel extensively. Movement is what keeps you going.

Baby It's Cold Outside

Life if full of choices. Some are simple like what to eat for lunch. Some are more complicated like where to  move to begin your adult life. Believe it or not I am an adult. I firmly believed my life would be set in Boston working for a children publishing company. But as I sit in my room with the heat on as high as it will go, I am thinking maybe I am not supposed to be in the cold. It's only 60 degrees in Wisconsin, yet I am ready once again to hibernate. Maybe it's because I grew up on the edge of the South,  maybe it's because I spend a lot of time in Florida, or maybe I am just a wimp. I am sure as soon as it starts getting really cold I will toughen up.

Well I am going to celebrate national read a book day with the cure and my new book

I've been everywhere

Jersey, Philly, and Baltimore. Then Naples, Boston, Chicago, and Milwaukee. In the last three weeks it feels like I have been living in airports. I never thought I would ever tire of traveling but I am kind of actually looking forward to staying in one place for awhile.

A New Way Saying Sorry

Apparently the new way of saying sorry is to offer a pickle. I don't know who decided giving a pickled cucumber is a good way to ask for forgiveness, but I have two pickles and I am a happy camper.

Yoga and Me

This week I went to yoga every single day.

 Impressed? 

No? 

What if I told you that every other day I went twice a day? 

Impressed now?

Thats what I have been doing this week. A whole lot of yoga. I love yoga. It stretches you out and relaxes you while working out your ENTIRE body. Plus it is basically grown up simon says. Unlike simon says, you always win. Which is good. Cause I ALWAYS lost at simon says. 

So I love yoga... Which leads to my story.

So my yoga instructor said you can not grow while rooted in fantasy. I am completely rooted in fantasy. In a single class, I imagined I was a summa wrestler, a bank robber, and a ninja. But the idea of not being able to grow in fantasy land won't leave me alone.... Is this why everyone thinks I am twelve?

What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

When I grow up, and being a little shy of 22 I am almost completely grown up, I want to be Jeannie. I want to wear harem pants and a little hat. I think I would be great at causing chaos by blinking.

Dear world, consider this my application.....

Pictures! of ME!

So I decided to try to take a self- picture for an entire year. To celebrate I decided to post some of my favorite self photos of the past.

Today's Picture!

I Swear I Am A Grown Up

Every now and then, I have a boring day. Every now and then people won't talk to me (because they are busy living their own life) It's ok. It happens to everyone.

I have the solution.

When life gets boring and start feeling neglected I start meowing like a kitty. People can ignore humans talking but few will ignore a full size person meowing. If they do ignore me, I will crawl onto their lap and purr. That always gets peoples attention... but always in the best way.

Anyways that my solution... I only do it maybe once a year because I want people to view me as a grown up.

fuzzy tails and rough toughs,

ME

Princess Update

Dear you,

You might have been wondering what I have been doing since I last updated. Maybe you were not wondering. But I am going to tell you anyways.

I finished two summer classes. I wrote 2,000 words a week on works by Milton, Chaucer, and George Hurbert. I took tests on grammer and listened to lectures. Even though I spent eight hours a week commuting to classes, I passed with flying colors.

I drove to Baltimore and flew to Florida to see family.

I cooked food. yummy yummy food. Plus I ate dozens of waffles.

I bought a strawberry plant.

I watched Beauty and The Beast (1946). This movie was magical. I can't blame disney for being inspired by this film. But this movie presented a problem, Beauty and the Beast fly away in the end. Disney Princesses cannot fly. So, to inspire a Disney movie all I have to do is learn to fly. Silly Disney, I can't fly. Not fair.

I watched the old spice battle. It made me happy.

That is what I have been doing.

Love,

ME

A Break Up Letter

Dear Potatoes,

I simply cannot see you anymore, because I am obsessed. I want you all the time and in every form. I care not how many times i have had you, I need more. This is not a healthy was to live. I need to eat other vegetables, but as long as you are in my life I cannot move on.

The solution?  I need to cut you out of my life completely. I need to see others. We just cannot exist at this time in my life. Maybe we can be friends one day. Please don't be sad.

Love Always,

Marie Elizabeth

ARTWORK

So all day this princess has had a migraine and watched movies. I did not want to get out of bed and I certainly couldn't do my school work.

So I colored you a picture of how I feel. (The pink thing is my brain)

All My Love,

Marie Elizabeth

A Scary Little Secret

Today I waited at home all day for the doorbell to ring. A ring that would bring me new running shoes. Finally around ten o'clock tonight, the door rings. Magic new shoes enter into my life. The first time pair of running shoes I have ever had. They are magical. So very different then Chucks.

These magical shoes needed to be tried out, so I climbed onto the treadmill for the first time in years, leaving the safety of the elliptical machine. I start the machine and increase the speed. As soon as the speed increases above a stroll my hips go, "bomp bomp". sliding and popping with every single step. Its annoying to hear and feels uncomfortable.

I have mentioned it to my doctor, but she always says to keep an eye on it and keep her posted. I am afraid to push the issue... I am afraid I am going to need a hip replacement and I am not quite 22. I am also afraid it might be hip arthritis. I know I am dramatic and paranoid, but I'm scared.