Fear and Squirrels

Once upon a time, I was a child and lived in the middle of the woods, outside a fantasy city called Philadelphia. I ran around cutting down tree branches trying to make a trail in the woods, all the while picking up ticks. A short hike led to a actually revolutionary war cabin. I know that the revolutionary war was like 2000 years ago and the cabin is only still standing because it is protected by magic fairies. After all of my adventures I would take a shower and bed sent to bed, because even as a child I never slept. I am the energizer bunny in human form.

One day I returned from the woods after chasing after a rabbit and was told to take a shower. I turned on the water and instantly was revolted by the smell. It smelled like burned rotten stuff. It was the grosses thing I have ever smelled in my short little life.  Even today in my slightly longer little life that has survived college, I will still say that that smell from the shower that day is the worse smell I have EVER smelled.

I ran to my mother

"I am not getting in there," little me said.

"You have to get clean," my mother replied not fully understand the smell.

"But it smells like something awful that is smelly," I cried.

"Did you put food down the drain again?" She asked.

(I should explain here that I would go through 24 hour fasting periods because I was afraid I caught worms)

"No! Moooooooooooom. Come." I was full blown crying now looking like the mess I am.

My mother realized that the only she was going to get me to shut up was to follow me to the bathroom. She was instantly taken back by the horrid smell that has now taken over the upstairs hallway. This situation called for backup... She called my dad.

I don't remember this part of the story because I it took place in the basement and I live in fear of cold dark places, so I didn't join in. Instead I sat patiently in the kitchen with the house phone ready to call the police is a murder or monster attacked them. I would know to call because of the screams. Monsters and murders always cause screaming.

Lucky, my parents survived the journey to the basement and brought me back a present. Or what I assumed was a present. My dad took off the lid and revealed a crispy black remains of a squirrel he retrieved from the water heater.

Scary things happen in dark scary places.