Want to know a secret about me?
Friday, February 24, 2012
I am afraid of the dark. That's right an adult (I am using that word because I am old enough to drive, vote, and drink) is terrified of the dark. It is completely rediculous. I have a ritual I do every night. It starts with me checking under my bed (at home I can skip this step because I have enough stuff under my bed to prevent anything from hiding under there.) I also have to check my closet and make sure all the doors in my bedroom are completely shut. I then crawl into bed and get super compfy. Next I flick the lights off and throw the covers over my head. I stay here until I run out of air.
If these steps are not completed, I shall not sleep.
I am not a liar!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
If there is one thing I hate it is getting up early. Add running to that and I am in hell. However, this my mothers idea of bonding and she drags me out of bed and into the cold Florida morning air to run three miles. If I am waking up early, to running and be in the cold, I better get a metal.
My stomach protests to this torture. I feel like I am going to puke. I slow down to a walk and think, "pancakes please stay down."
My mother finds this the time to yell at me for being out of shape. She also reminds me I promised to work out.
I keep on insisting that I do work out.
She doesn't believe me and tells me she isn't signing me up for races anymore.
Not fair. You can't judge me in the morning if I don't have a metal to win.
I begin to wish that I brought my iPod. Luckily the house is in view.
I return home and say I have to practice some yoga. My mom says she will join. Recently I have been adding some sit ups and push ups to my daily yoga practice. This may or may not be related to me leaving the girl with the dragon tattoo feeling pudgy. Lol. I'm ridiculous. Anyways I totally can out push up my mother. I can also out sit up her and my yoga poses have excellent form.
Plus if we run at night I could totally kick her behind.
Sorry for the rant
My stomach protests to this torture. I feel like I am going to puke. I slow down to a walk and think, "pancakes please stay down."
My mother finds this the time to yell at me for being out of shape. She also reminds me I promised to work out.
I keep on insisting that I do work out.
She doesn't believe me and tells me she isn't signing me up for races anymore.
Not fair. You can't judge me in the morning if I don't have a metal to win.
I begin to wish that I brought my iPod. Luckily the house is in view.
I return home and say I have to practice some yoga. My mom says she will join. Recently I have been adding some sit ups and push ups to my daily yoga practice. This may or may not be related to me leaving the girl with the dragon tattoo feeling pudgy. Lol. I'm ridiculous. Anyways I totally can out push up my mother. I can also out sit up her and my yoga poses have excellent form.
Plus if we run at night I could totally kick her behind.
Sorry for the rant
Fear and Squirrels
Once upon a time, I was a child and lived in the middle of the woods, outside a fantasy city called Philadelphia. I ran around cutting down tree branches trying to make a trail in the woods, all the while picking up ticks. A short hike led to a actually revolutionary war cabin. I know that the revolutionary war was like 2000 years ago and the cabin is only still standing because it is protected by magic fairies. After all of my adventures I would take a shower and bed sent to bed, because even as a child I never slept. I am the energizer bunny in human form.
One day I returned from the woods after chasing after a rabbit and was told to take a shower. I turned on the water and instantly was revolted by the smell. It smelled like burned rotten stuff. It was the grosses thing I have ever smelled in my short little life. Even today in my slightly longer little life that has survived college, I will still say that that smell from the shower that day is the worse smell I have EVER smelled.
I ran to my mother
"I am not getting in there," little me said.
"You have to get clean," my mother replied not fully understand the smell.
"But it smells like something awful that is smelly," I cried.
"Did you put food down the drain again?" She asked.
(I should explain here that I would go through 24 hour fasting periods because I was afraid I caught worms)
"No! Moooooooooooom. Come." I was full blown crying now looking like the mess I am.
My mother realized that the only she was going to get me to shut up was to follow me to the bathroom. She was instantly taken back by the horrid smell that has now taken over the upstairs hallway. This situation called for backup... She called my dad.
I don't remember this part of the story because I it took place in the basement and I live in fear of cold dark places, so I didn't join in. Instead I sat patiently in the kitchen with the house phone ready to call the police is a murder or monster attacked them. I would know to call because of the screams. Monsters and murders always cause screaming.
Lucky, my parents survived the journey to the basement and brought me back a present. Or what I assumed was a present. My dad took off the lid and revealed a crispy black remains of a squirrel he retrieved from the water heater.
Scary things happen in dark scary places.
One day I returned from the woods after chasing after a rabbit and was told to take a shower. I turned on the water and instantly was revolted by the smell. It smelled like burned rotten stuff. It was the grosses thing I have ever smelled in my short little life. Even today in my slightly longer little life that has survived college, I will still say that that smell from the shower that day is the worse smell I have EVER smelled.
I ran to my mother
"I am not getting in there," little me said.
"You have to get clean," my mother replied not fully understand the smell.
"But it smells like something awful that is smelly," I cried.
"Did you put food down the drain again?" She asked.
(I should explain here that I would go through 24 hour fasting periods because I was afraid I caught worms)
"No! Moooooooooooom. Come." I was full blown crying now looking like the mess I am.
My mother realized that the only she was going to get me to shut up was to follow me to the bathroom. She was instantly taken back by the horrid smell that has now taken over the upstairs hallway. This situation called for backup... She called my dad.
I don't remember this part of the story because I it took place in the basement and I live in fear of cold dark places, so I didn't join in. Instead I sat patiently in the kitchen with the house phone ready to call the police is a murder or monster attacked them. I would know to call because of the screams. Monsters and murders always cause screaming.
Lucky, my parents survived the journey to the basement and brought me back a present. Or what I assumed was a present. My dad took off the lid and revealed a crispy black remains of a squirrel he retrieved from the water heater.
Scary things happen in dark scary places.
So Awkward It Hurts
Monday, February 6, 2012
Today, I was watching the Big Bang Theory and it got super awkward. I did what any normal human being would do and quickly covered my face. In my quick actions, I punched myself in the eye. So if anyone sees me with a black eye tomorrow, you know where it is from.
Sorry.
Sorry. I know it has been forever. I am going to change my ways. You will hear from me so much you will explode.
No Lies.
Love Always,
ME
No Lies.
Love Always,
ME
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